Retro #BookReview: Clockwork Angel by Cassandra Clare

DNF

Clockwork Angel by Cassandra Clare, Narrated by Jennifer Ehle
Young Adult Fantasy Audiobook 
Unabridged Length: Too Many Hours
Amazon ♦ Goodreads

Magic is dangerous—but love is more dangerous still.

When sixteen-year-old Tessa Gray crosses the ocean to find her brother, her destination is England, the time is the reign of Queen Victoria, and something terrifying is waiting for her in London's Downworld, where vampires, warlocks and other supernatural folk stalk the gaslit streets. Only the Shadowhunters, warriors dedicated to ridding the world of demons, keep order amidst the chaos. 

Kidnapped by the mysterious Dark Sisters, members of a secret organization called The Pandemonium Club, Tessa soon learns that she herself is a Downworlder with a rare ability: the power to transform, at will, into another person. What's more, the Magister, the shadowy figure who runs the Club, will stop at nothing to claim Tessa's power for his own. 

Friendless and hunted, Tessa takes refuge with the Shadowhunters of the London Institute, who swear to find her brother if she will use her power to help them. She soon finds herself fascinated by—and torn between—two best friends: James, whose fragile beauty hides a deadly secret, and blue-eyed Will, whose caustic wit and volatile moods keep everyone in his life at arm's length... everyone, that is, but Tessa. As their search draws them deep into the heart of an arcane plot that threatens to destroy the Shadowhunters, Tessa realizes that she may need to choose between saving her brother and helping her new friends save the world.... and that love may be the most dangerous magic of all.

DNF

My Thoughts

I DNF'd this audio because I found myself disliking the story (boring), the narration (stiff), the characters (boring and stiff) and the fact that the discs had no end or beginning indicator; no music, no intro, no nothing. I was halfway through disc three for the second time before I realized it! That just proved to me that I had not only dozed through the entire disc once but nearly did it twice. It was then that I called it quits and dropped it off at the library. Also, for a book with such a lovely steampunk cover, what I read didn't feel very steampunk to me.Everything about it was just "meh".

The setup features a young teen orphan (no parents, again? le sigh) who gets off a ship expecting to meet her older brother who is her only living relative in the whole wide world. Instead two older ladies who call themselves "The Dark Sisters" are there to pick her up. Hello, if that ain't a clue, I don't know what is. So she naively believes every lying word they utter and heads off with them where she is kept captive and given lessons in how to shapeshift. Once that's accomplished, quite easily I might add (just a wee bit of puking), she learns the Dark Sisters have promised her hand in marriage to "The Magister" or "The Magistrate" (sorry, I can't remember now) who she assumes is a nasty old geezer. She finally attempts to escape, fails and tries again. Lucky for her a handsome young fella just so happens to be poking his nose into the business of "The Dark Sisters" on her next attempt and is snooping around inside the house. He oh-so-conveniently rescues her just in the nick of time and brings her to safety so more tiresome stuff can happen for hundreds of pages.

At one point Will (he of the gallant rescue) says:

"You do believe everything I say, don't you? Do I seem unusually trustworthy to you or are you just the naive sort?"

Haha, I guess I did like Will a little bit. He had her number from the get-go. Honestly though it was just all so dull. Did I say that fifty times already? I'm sorry, I know there are many fans but I don't think I'm one of them.

When this over dramatic cartooney scene happened I had to throw in the towel and go inside and nurse my poor aching head. Imagine this, if you will . . . a dead woman awakens and starts screaming at the top of her lungs and the narrator literally screams all of this nonsense out while my ears quietly begin to bleed.

"Beware, Nephilim. As you slay others, so shall you be slain. Your angel cannot protect you against that which neither the God nor the devil has made, an army born neither of Heaven nor Hell. Beware the end of man. Beware. Her voice rose to a high grinding shriek, (as did the narrators most unfortunately) and she jerked back and forth in the chair like a puppet being yanked on invisible strings. BEWARE BEWAREBEWAREBEWARE Good God," muttered Jem."BEWARE!", the woman shrieked one last time, and toppled forward to sprawl on the ground, abruptly silenced" I mustthank the audiobook lords and all that is good and kind in the world for finally ending that woman's undead life.

Holy painful, nonsensical, melodramatic nonsense! This was where I had to quit things for good. It may be better read in paper but I will never know.

Originally Read July 2013