Mister B. Gone by Clive Barker Review

This is my least favorite Clive Barker book.

Mister B. Gone by Clive Barker
Horror Fiction
Released October 2007
Amazon | Goodreads | Better World Books 

Mister B. Gone marks the long-awaited return of Clive Barker, the great master of the macabre, to the classic horror story. This bone-chilling novel, in which a medieval devil speaks directly to the reader, claims to be a never-before-published demonic memoir penned in the year 1438. The sole copy was, so the story goes, created by the inventor of the printing press, Johannes Gutenberg himself. But this historic piece of writing immediately vanished without a trace.

Until now...

A demon known as Jakabok has embedded his very self inside each word of this meticulously printed tale of autobiographical terror. The reader is taunted and teased by his pleas for release from the confines of the very ink and paper that provide the vehicle for his life story. Little do they know, the depths of horror they hold in their hands. Reader beware, indeed, as Jakabok (aka Mister B.) escorts you on an unforgettable journey into the ultimate origins of good and evil.

My Thoughts:

Mister B Gone starts out with a dire warning (though not dire enough to scare me away unfortunately).

Burn this book. Go on. Quickly, while there’s still time! Burn it. Don’t look at another word. Did you hear me? Not. One. More. Word.

I wish I’d listened. Not that I advocate burning books but I do savor my free time and I really wasted it here.

I had high hopes for this when it began. It’s read by none other than Doug Bradley of Pinhead fame and he has such a lovely accent and manner of speaking that I figured I’d fall in love with this story. It didn't happen. I haven’t read a recent Clive Barker novel in ages but I have recently reread his Books of Blood (both 1 and 2) as well The Hellbound Heart and was expecting, I suppose, something remotely similar. But again, it didn't happen. There were no lush descriptions, no interesting story-line or characters, no wild imaginative fantasy worlds. Really there was nothing at all that made me want to keep going.

But I did anyway.

So here’s the gist. Jakabok Botch is a demon born and raised in the 9th ring of hell (which is hardly described, I might add). Jakabok starts off things by sharing his tale of childhood woe. His parents, both lower level demons, weren't very nice to him and as a child he fell face first into flames and burned himself to an ugly crisp before dad bothered to pull him out. Later, through a strange series of events, he finds himself removed from hell and making his way among humans. He then shares his recollections of life among them in first person but though he does some nasty things and meets some nasty beings, it’s all rather uneventful and ho-hum in the telling. I didn't find it clever, or darkly funny or even disgustingly gory. It was just “meh” and I never felt part of the action. In between his recollections he threatens to skin me and do me bodily harm because I'm so brazen as to keep reading his terrible story. This silliness got very tiresome, very quickly and really fell flat in audio format.

It is with much sadness that I can only give Mister B Gone a 2.5 (and that’s being a wee bit generous). I had to force myself to listen and had to rewind several times because I kept drifting away and could not stay focused. Doug Bradley does a great job with the narration but even he and his musical accent couldn’t save this lackluster story for me.