Retro Review: Zombie Candy by Frederick Lee Brooke

This review is part of my review archive project which I intend to finish some day before I die or my eyeballs dry up. I read this story back in 2012.

Zombie Candy by Frederick Lee Brooke

Released May 2012

Mystery  |  Goodreads   |  Amazon

Source:  Received for Review Consideration

Did you ever get the feeling your partner changed overnight with no warning? Research shows this befalls women much more often than men. You stand there thinking, I have to spend the next thirty years with this moron? Fact is, there are 10 sure signs you're married to a zombie. He gives short guttural answers like "I dunno," or "Unh uh," when you'd like to have a conversation. The TV is more important to him than listening to you. MUCH more important. He consults his iPhone repeatedly during meals. When he gets home from work, too tired to talk, he just wants a beer. He doesn't come home from work till late, and claims his phone was dead. He criticizes your cooking by putting cilantro (or hot sauce, or pepper) on everything you serve. He falls asleep during lovemaking, just when you're about to start feeling something. If you want to watch a movie together, you have to sit through his zombie movies. He thinks it's normal to watch them again and again. He flatly refuses to watch romantic movies. He doesn't even notice your new clothes, shoes or hairstyle, much less say anything nice about them.

Zombie Candy is a case study of the modern zombified husband. Note to zombie freaks: there are NO REAL ZOMBIES in this book. Note to lovers of a good satire, with elements of mystery, and the romance of a vacation in beautiful Tuscany, you will be entertained.

As a professional cook who gives cooking classes, Candace is highly offended when her husband Larry sprinkles fresh cilantro on her culinary creations. But that's nothing compared to Candace's shock at finding a small black bra while unpacking a suitcase from Larry's last business trip. A bra that's far too small to be hers. It turns out Larry's a serial cheater.

Candace confronts Larry and deals with his betrayal in a uniquely creative way, using his fixation with zombies. Aided by her best friend, Annie Ogden, Candace sets up the ruse of the century in a picturesque hilltop town in Italy, luring Larry there and torturing him in a way that's a tad juvenile and cruel, but wickedly SATISFYING.

The solution to all the problems listed above is to sit down and talk together, but if he's so far gone he won't talk despite all your begging and pleading? The way Candace handles it might not be every woman's cup of tea, but it ultimately cures Larry. Might be worth looking into ... ZOMBIE CANDY

My 2 Cents For Free!

Zombie Candy makes for fun reading but be warned this is not a typical zombie novel by any means. It features zombies, sort of, but there isn’t any brain gobbling and to say more would ruin it. It’s also not an amateur sleuthing novel even though the cover says “An Annie Ogden Mystery”and “Cheating Husband? Feed Him To The Zombies”. Because of this I was sort of expecting something along the lines of Stephanie Plum tussling with zombies. It’s an eye-catching cover and an amusing story but I can’t help but feel the cover perhaps is cashing in on a few trends that the story inside doesn’t fully deliver upon.

So what is Zombie Candy about then? At its heart it’s a story about a scorned woman who concocts an awesome and intricately planned revenge upon her serial cheating, zombie movie loving, insulting, pudge-pinching, Russell Crow look-a-like husband. His name is Larry and he is a first class Asshole to Candace, his long-suffering wife, who made the mistake of giving up the love of her life to honor her promise to marry Larry. But Larry finally pushes Candace over the edge, and she enlists her best friend Annie Ogden, a brand new PI, to get hard proof of his infidelities – as if the black bra in his suitcase wasn’t proof enough . . .

This is a well written and zany book that zips along at a fast pace and has some funny moments. The main characters are slightly over-the-top but that’s the point. They are also decently developed which I totally appreciated. Candace and Annie are tight friends who have been through a lot of crap and come out stronger for it. I loved that. Candace starts the book overweight, insecure and beaten down by Larry’s constant insults but she transforms into a bad-ass, demented, better version of herself by the end. I truly despised Larry through and through but I think I was supposed to otherwise the whole thing would’ve fallen flat. The author writes his character in such a way that I was able to see things through Larry’s eyes and I mostly understood why he couldn’t help being an insensitive prick. Some guys just are, you know? He also has a sex addiction and truly believes he is doing right by the leagues of women he bonks.

“They want it. I’m giving something they all want. I’m not a taker. I’m a giver.”

He’s delusional and narcissistic and this is why it is so gratifying to watch Candace’s plan unfold as she releases the wraith of her pent up fury upon him. It was a full on trip to crazy town and oh-so-cathartic.

I recommend it. It’s not my normal genre and Larry made me crazy but I enjoyed the heck out it!

4 out of 5